The Paradox of Anxiety
“What we resist, persists.” - Carl Jung
If you’ve ever tried to push away a thought or fight off a feeling, only to have it grow louder, you’ve experienced the paradox at the heart of anxiety and OCD treatment: the more we resist discomfort, the more tightly it clings to us.
Understandably, we try to avoid pain. Our brains are wired for survival: seek pleasure, avoid danger. But when it comes to internal experiences, such as thoughts, emotions, and sensations, this strategy often backfires. The more we try to get rid of anxiety, the more anxious we feel. The more we try not to think about something, the more it shows up.
This is the paradox.
Why Suppression Doesn’t Work
Thought and feeling suppression is like trying not to think of a pink elephant: it only brings the image into sharper focus. Studies have shown that efforts to control or eliminate unwanted thoughts can make them more frequent and distressing. This isn’t failure. It’s simply how the mind works.
In OCD, this cycle can become relentless. A disturbing thought shows up → the person tries to neutralize it or figure it out → the mind interprets that effort as evidence the thought is important → the loop tightens.
At the root of this cycle is experiential avoidance: the attempt to get away from inner discomfort. And ironically, it’s this avoidance that maintains the disorder.
Anxiety Is Not a Disorder. AVOidance Is
Anxiety itself isn’t pathological. It’s a normal, even necessary, human emotion. The same goes for sadness, grief, doubt, and fear. These are not the enemy or experiences we need to rid ourselves of. What becomes problematic is our relationship to these experiences: when we treat them like threats and build our lives around avoiding them.
In trying to cherry-pick our inner world, i.e., “I want to feel calm, but not anxious,” “I want joy, but not sadness”, we can unintentionally numb ourselves to life. This is the logic behind anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure: when we shut down painful emotions, we often lose access to meaningful ones, too.
The Chinese Finger Trap: A Mindfulness Metaphor
A favorite metaphor in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is the Chinese finger trap. The harder you pull away, the tighter it grips. But if you lean in, gently, with willingness, it loosens.
This is how mindfulness and ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) work. Instead of pulling away from fear or doubt, we lean toward it. We learn to be present with discomfort without trying to fix it, solve it, or neutralize it. We practice response prevention, not doing the thing that temporarily reduces distress, and allow the nervous system to recalibrate naturally.
The Antidote to Compulsions and Rumination: Acceptance
Mindfulness, acceptance, and exposure aren’t about giving up. They’re about making room: for fear, for uncertainty, for the full range of human emotion. They help us stop arguing with reality and start living alongside it.
In Buddhist psychology, this is called turning toward. Instead of meeting suffering with resistance, we meet it with curiosity. We say: This, too, belongs. Tara Brach’s concept of Radical Acceptance reminds us that we can widen the circles of mindfulness and compassion to make room for all experiences.
ERP teaches the same lesson: you don’t have to eliminate the fear to move forward. You just have to stop trying to control it.
Toward a New Relationship with Anxiety
The paradox is that healing doesn’t come from controlling thoughts and feelings, but instead changing how we relate to them.
When we stop trying to “get rid of anxiety” and start building a life that’s big enough to hold it, something shifts. We become more flexible, more courageous, and more connected to what matters.
If you’re navigating anxiety or OCD, and you’ve been caught in the loop of trying to fix your mind, know that there’s another way. One that’s grounded not in resistance, but in willingness.
And sometimes, the first step is simply to stop pulling.
